Life Lately

Hello blog friends!

I'm sorry it's been so long since I wrote...it's been a busy life lately: going to Ireland, classes, internship, work, and wedding planning, while missing my fiancé. My internship has been fantastic, especially the training and interacting with the faculty and staff on campus. I'm really excited about what I'll be learning throughout this year and have a feeling that I will definitely be challenged and grow from this experience. I want to become a more competent and empathetic social worker/therapist. I am so excited to work with the students!

Classes are enjoyable this summer. I just finished up my work for the Ireland study abroad class, and am enrolled in Substance Abuse and Research II classes. I'm working with my good friend Paul on our research project, which I am really excited about. We are studying the experiences of survivors of suicide, meaning those who have lost a loved one to suicide.

I was inspired to conduct this research by the loss of an incredible guy Jake and I were both friends with: Cory. We spent time with him earlier on the day he passed away and his death really affected me. I am doing this research as a sort of love project in honor of him. Miss you Cory!

Work is going well, although it's hard to squeeze in 10 hours during business hours with everything else going on. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to continue working with the staff at CRI and members of community organizations. It's been a terrific experience.

I went dress shopping for the wedding for the first time this past Saturday. What a fun, yet a bit overwhelming, experience! We went to a bridal shop in GR that had over 3,000 dresses! I tried 21 (ohmygoodness!) dresses on (taking pictures of each one--front and back--for later reference) and ended up finding two I like. I'm not 100% sold on either, but I'm really excited to continue shopping! Wedding planning is going pretty well also. We're hoping to lock down the date (and venue) when Jake visits in July.

I cannot wait to see him! This time of separation is really tough, but I know I'm growing and learning through it all. He recently moved into a condo with his brother Steve, which is really exciting for them. His new position at the church is going well and I'm really proud of him! I cannot wait to marry him...=)

Well I need to get to bed...another long day ahead of me tomorrow. Sweetdreams!

With love,
Amanda

Lists

I saw this on a friend's blog recently and have I mentioned that I love lists? Because I love lists. I think that this provides a really awesome structure for slowing down a little bit and really noticing what is happening in your life. A little mindfulness for all you social workers and therapists out there...

Right now, these are the things I am...

Loving:
1. I AM ENGAGED TO THE MOST WONDERFUL MAN GOD CHOSE FOR ME!!! (More to follow on that later...)
2. How quickly the last few weeks of the semester are going
3. Bright and colorful clothes and images
4. Wedding blogs with a vintage/DIY/simple feel
5. Guacamole and hummus!
6. Realizing I have 1 full year left in the Master of Social Work program
7. Being offered the internship I wanted!
8. Storms (Thunder and lightning)
9. The fact that everyone seems to be getting happier with brighter and warmer weather
10. Spending time with those I love
11. Preparing for IRELAND!

Not Loving:
1. How quickly the time I have left with Jake is flying by (He's moving to the East side in May) *SAD panda*
2. How quickly the last few weeks of the semester are going
3. How many things I still need to accomplish before Ireland
4. The cough I still have...after over a month.
5. That I still have another year of classes, homework, papers, and studying.

Accomplishing:
1. Not freaking out about the weeks leading up to Ireland
2. Some wedding tasks/decisions. Not many, but we've got plenty of time!
3. Finishing up projects, papers, and presentations.

Preparing:
1. My heart for what comes next.
2. To be living on the opposite side of the state from Jake during the most stressful, crazy year of the MSW program. :(
3. To plan the wedding and prep for the marriage!
4. To find a job once I graduate next year.

Forgetting:
1. To go to bed earlier
2. To stop saying negative things about myself
3. To return the countless e-mails I get daily.
4. TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT.

Reading:
1. Real Sex: The Naked Truth about Chastity by Lauren F. Winner
2. Becoming The Woman of His Dreams: Seven Qualities Every Man Longs For by Sharon Jaynes

Believing:
1. That God is who He says He is
2. That God can do what He says He can do
3. That I am who God says I am (trying anyway)
4. That I can do all things through Him
5. That this year is going to be incredible and will help prepare me for life after school and my marriage
6. That God has a plan for my life and it's only my responsibility to follow Him

That's all for now folks...back to productivity! =)

With love,
Amanda

Check Yourself.

So I will be honest...I haven't been updating my list of good things daily. I write a few in one day to cover three or four days. Not sure if that's defeating the purpose or if it's still worthwhile. I would argue with myself that it is still worthwhile, as it challenges me to find 40 different things. However, since I am not daily updating my list, I decided to "up the anty."

This morning, I read the blog written by this talented author and focused particularly on two posts: this one and this one. (I know there are a lot of links in the previous sentence, but you should definitely check each one out!) Reading Shauna's blog posts on Lent inspired me to take a different spin on her Lenten commitment. I know it is a little late to change the game, but I figure it's better late than never, right? 

I am adding to my Lenten commitment of finding one good thing about myself for each of the 40 days that I will improve my language about myself. This can translate to: I am not going to speak words of negativity about myself to myself or others aloud. Talk about a challenge! Jake will be rejoicing when he reads this...as well as challenging me to keep my word.

Think about this seriously. How do your daily words affect your view of yourself...of others? Are your words used to uplift, encourage, and brighten? Or are they used to speak negativity, bring down, and discourage? I challenge you to check yourself and think about your words. How do you use them? How do they affect others, as well as you?

I sometimes wonder why I get so down on myself about different things. In reflecting on why I feel the way I do about myself, I realized that speaking negativity about myself for years has given those negative words power over me and I am not particularly pleased about it. Our words truly have power, particularly when spoken in my opinion. If I do not learn how to change the way I speak about myself soon, I could spend my entire life speaking negative words or thoughts and never improve how I see myself. I know God sees me as his own beautiful daughter and that my boyfriend, family, and friends all see beauty in who I am and how I look. I want to see what they see in me and appreciate the body, mind, heart, and soul the Lord has given me. 

I know it is important that I do this. The way I speak about myself influences others' feelings about themselves and me. I do not want to continue making my love feel badly that, no matter what he says, I still have moments where I do not understand what he sees in me. I do not want my children someday to feel badly about how they are made because I speak words of negativity about myself around them. This is important. Not just for me, but for those I love and surround myself with. Hopefully this will end up being a longer-than-Lent challenge. For now, I leave you with one of my absolute favorite verses...

"You're beautiful from head to toe, my dear love,
   beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless."

            - Song of Songs 4:7 (The Message)

With love,
Amanda

40 Days of Good Things

So I decided that part of my Lenten focus is going to be improving how I see myself. My goal is to list one thing each day that I like about myself.  It can be physical or otherwise, but I have to list one thing per day. I've already started the list in a Word document, so hopefully I will remember to write one thing per day.

I also want to start limiting the number of times I head for the drive through and drink pop. I'm not cutting it out completely, but I could definitely stand to benefit from setting boundaries in how often I indulge. 

Today we went to a large flea market and looked at several shops full of antiques, Southern attire, and delicious homemade Mennonite goods. I had a productive day, picking up small gifts for my family members, as well as some delicious banana butter (don't knock it until you try it!) and a beautiful ring at an antique shop. It's gorgeous. 

We also went to a glass blowing art shop. We were able to catch one of the glass blowers making a vase...what a great experience! We were almost completely mesmerized watching the artist work the glass. I find myself wanting to learn how; how cool would that be?!

We grabbed a snack/linner at Five Guys burger joint...always order the regular size fries...because you shouldn't eat even a regular size order of fries by yourself! After that, we packed up and headed back to Massanutten Resort to relax and do homework.

I'm currently sipping a margarita and doing homework by the fireplace in our condo, surrounded by some of my best girlfriends and a wonderful woman who chose to hang out with us. I am so grateful for this opportunity to be here on break. It's been wonderful to catch up with these ladies and see where life has and will be taking them. I love these ladies and pray the best for them. 

It's a movie/homework/junk food chat night. =) I'm excited!


With love,
Amanda

The Cheerful Heart

 “The cheerful heart has a continual feast.” - Proverbs 15:15

I subscribe to daily e-mails from "Girlfriends in God," a daily devotional from Crosswalk.com. I am terrible at remembering and actually doing devotionals every day, so it's been rewarding to have my devotional sent to me daily. 

Today's message was from Mary Southerland and was entitled "Laugh it up!" In reading through the devotional, I realized its topic was finding joy. Great timing! It was such a blessing to read today.

You can read the entire devotional here but I wanted to give you a few highlights.

Some truths about Joy:

1.  Joy heals.  

Proverbs 17:22 - “A happy heart is like good medicine, but a broken spirit drains your strength.”

2.  Joy makes us strong.
Nehemiah 8:10 - “The joy of the Lord is your strength.”

3.  Joy makes the ordinary special. 

As we learn to celebrate the ordinary things in life, we build a life of joy because it is against the backdrop of the ordinary that God’s work becomes extraordinary. 

So tonight, K's mom arrived to join us on our trip. =) And there was a surprise (I had an idea this was going to happen)...G showed up! I haven't seen G in a lonnnnng time and that's sad, as we used to live together. I've really missed G and I am happy to have this time to catch up with her!

That's about it for now. Goodnight all!

With love,

Amanda 

Rejuvenate

Spring break has arrived...finally! I am so thrilled for the week that awaits me! I was blessed to have the opportunity to spend the week with some of my best girlfriends from undergrad. We're all fighting our way through grad school, med school, or undergrad and this is a much needed vacation from the "real world" for awhile. We're leaving for Virginia Saturday morning and from there on out, we plan on relaxing, reading, spending time together, giggling, jacuzzi chats (there is one in our condo!), and even homework time (unfortunately). It has been so long since we've been together and I am excited to share with these ladies what may be one of the last opportunities for us to do something like this. Prayers for rejuvenation, safe travel, and a wonderful time are appreciated!

I need this time away. Away from school, work, and a few other things as well. It's been increasingly hard to find joy some days with all the stress (sometimes self-inflicted), frustration, and work I experience. Life has had a way of getting me down sometimes and it bothers me when I let it overwhelm me.

As I sit writing this second portion of the post, I am in Mcgaheysville, VA. It's a bit rainy here but I am absolutely loving being here. The road trip here was eventful (with this group of ladies how would it not be?) and we made it here safely at 11:30 p.m. I drove the last portion of the trip and fought the darkness and rain while driving the Astro, heretofore referred to as Gavina. It was a challenging trip, not without some casualties in time and keys, but there was a lot of laughing and giggling. It's been so wonderful to catch up with K, B, and S. These ladies make every day an adventure and it's been great to be reunited with them.

Last night, I was able to enjoy the jacuzzi in our condo before bed. It was incredibly relaxing after a long day of driving. Our resort is in the mountains and it's just gorgeous, peaceful, and exactly what I needed this break. I am so excited to post the pictures at some point. Already I am feeling less stress over the things of my everyday life.  

As Lent approaches, I am debating over what to do. A friend is making the commitment to work out every day and I like that idea. I also had the idea of writing one post a day, each day focusing on something else I like about myself. This would be a big challenge for me because it's so much easier for me to find something I don't like about myself than to find something I do like. Thoughts on Lent ideas or suggestions are welcome!


My thoughts are prayers are with the Campus Ministries spring break teams. Jake is on the trip to East Palo Alto, CA. I'm missing him, but thankful for this opportunity for him to go and serve with friends.


I'm signing out for now. To everyone on spring break, I pray you get what you need out of this time. As for me, I'm still trying to work on finding the joy in everyday life and appreciating what God has blessed me with right now. 


With love,
Amanda

Waiting on God

This past year has been a big time of waiting on God for me. Whether it be regarding hearing from grad schools, job possibilities, graduate assistant positions, grades, or a study abroad application, God has had me waiting. It's always been a major theme in my life, but the past year has been such a test of how I respond when faced with uncertainty.

I recently was accepted to study abroad in Ireland with the School of Social Work for two weeks in May for class credit. I've never been able to afford studying abroad and am so ecstatic about this opportunity! Ireland is on my bucket list of places to go before I die and I am more than happy for this chance to visit the land of my heritage...(not really but I wish haha). It's beautiful there and I think it will be a perfect transition into my spring/summer semester of classes and an internship. 

In other news, some big changes have been in the works for awhile now. After a lot of prayer, talking, and consideration, Jake recently accepted a full-time position as a Worship Pastor/Director at his home church. This is his last semester at GV and he will be starting the position in May/June. This next year we will be on opposite sides of the state. 

The day he accepted the position officially, I wrote my thoughts down...here's what I came up with.

My thoughts from December 16, 2010:

Today, Jake officially decided to accept a position as a worship leader/pastor at Rockpointe Community Church, his home church. After a lot of stress, worrying, weighing, praying, and contemplating, he has been led to accept this position for the upcoming year and leave Grand Valley behind. We're not sure of all the details quite yet, but we are very excited about this opportunity for him to serve God and minister to his church.

I know he is an excellent person for this position and that his heart is in the right place. I know he will do a fantastic job and that it is important to him to see his church grow and flourish during a season of change for so many churches across the world. It's as though churches are facing a turning point: continue on in the way things have been or take a new path and dig deeper to learn what it truly means to stand in Christ and live life as a follower of God. Jake is passionate about worship and his heart is so beautiful, especially when he is leading worship or playing music in honor of God. It's one of the things I first noticed about him when I went to Campus Ministry services my junior year. There's a difference between leading worship/playing for worship for your own "stuff," whatever it may be, and playing for the glory of God. Just by looking at him, or by listening to him play and sing alone, you can tell, without a doubt, that Jake's heart is after God, and in those moments of worship, it is for God's glory alone he is playing. It's incredible to be in his presence when he worships (though a bit distracting for me...hence I close my eyes to focus) and to hear him talk about his pursuit of God. This new adventure in his life...our lives...will be an incredible journey to embark upon.

That being said, I cannot help but feel anxious in this season. I have known for awhile that change was upon us each individually, but also as a couple, regarding our present but mostly our future. I have a lot of feelings about this change, as I know it is a wonderful thing for our lives and God will bless Jake richly for following His command, but I also know the reality of agreeing to become public representatives of Christ. You would think that we already are, and in some ways, you would be right. However, when someone agrees to take a position in the church, it is then that you are agreeing to put yourself out there, really out there, and open up your life to be commented and critiqued by members of the congregation. It is almost as if you become a "celebrity" of sorts...in regards to the public attention. Your personal life is on display and anything that may not be "up-to-par" or shiny and clean is subject to discussion.

I think a lot of it is that I'm scared. Am I good enough to be his wife? Am I the right person to stand beside him on this path? Do I "have it together" enough to be a worship leader's wife? I have struggled this year to find my grounding and feel rooted in who I am in Christ. I want to know God more. I want to be the best possible wife to Jake in the future. I want to really know I am loved and accepted not only by Christ for who I am, but also by myself. I'm just scared I won't be able to get a hold on it in time.

-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -

I'm really excited for Jake and so proud of him! I know he will do an amazing job as the Worship Director at Rockpointe and can't wait to see what God has for Jake there. I will be traveling to Ireland in May when he moves back and when I return, I will be starting my spring/summer classes and the first semester of my internship. Lizzie (Jake's sister-in-law) is having another baby in mid-May so that is something we're all looking forward to also! I know I will be learning a lot in the next year and it may be a struggle frequently, but God has me in His hands and I will grow in this time.

I've been really stressed lately. I'm not quite sure how to manage everything on my mind and want to excel. I feel like I'm constantly taking one step forward, two steps back in making progress in my life. I have a lot I need to get together yet. I realize I'll never 100% have it together, but I feel so far from even sort of having it together that it's been really discouraging and frustrating. 

Most of the things I'm concerned about, there is nothing I can currently do to change them. It turns out that this is just another one of those times where I need to rely on God and wait on His perfect timing and grace to see me through the ups and downs of life. Until next time friends...

With love,
Amanda